I had it written out. That New Year's post full of pictures of glitter and champagne flutes. My "15 resolutions for '15" with supporting graphics of piggy banks and running trails.
I knew it would resonate with so many readers with similar goals for a healthier year, maybe a year of cutting back on spending or a year of volunteering more.
But if I'm honest, that is not my New Year's post this year.
Appearances are big. No one wants to be that blogger that doesn't have her world together. I mean, I think anyone who reads this blog already knows no Pinterest-crafts are going down over here. And I'm lucky if I know the difference between a pot and a skillet (confession....I actually just learned the difference between a pot and a skillet. I filed them both under the generic "pan." And as it turns out, a pan is actually a third type of kitchen accouterment.)
And this is not about making a claim of "being transparent" or "real."
It's just that honestly when I saw those resolutions sitting in my text window, I felt like the biggest liar.
This time last year became my "year of yes." I said yes to everything. I was rarely home but maybe one night a week. And it's been fun...SO much fun. And I wouldn't give back this year of yes. But that resolution was tied to some very specific, very personal goals, hopes, people. And when I look at 2014 from a progress perspective, I feel like I flunked it.I feel defeated.
So I don't want to make my list of goals and resolutions for 2015. I want to give up. I want to not have any expectations or hopes so that they can't be stolen from me. So that I'm not sitting in front of this computer waiting for 2016 and not having any boxes to check.
I've learned that "yes" is a good thing. A fun thing. A spontaneous thing. I had SO much fun being a "yes" girl. So while it's unlikely that I'll white flag my overly-stuffed schedule, this year is not the year of yes.
This seems to be the year of learning how to overcome defeat. Of finding strength. And of learning to re-believe in miracles.
Happy New Year! | I hope all your wishes come true!