Monday, October 20, 2014

That time I got hit on....only not really

About a year ago, I was headed to meet up with some friends at one of Atlanta’s more popular bars. I arrived about 20 minutes earlier than the rest of the group and after I’d perused most of Facebook and Instagram in my car, thought “This is silly. I’m an independent woman, I can just go in by myself and wait for them at the bar.” So I did….marching my little stiletto-clad feet right up to the bar. The bartender came up and we chatted for a minute. I instantly recognized him as he is a local celebrity (once on a short-lived Atlanta reality show.) Apparently there’s only room for housewives in the reality TV market here. 

45 Ridiculous And Amazing GIFs Of Nene Leakes For Her Birthday

I may have also remembered him because he looks like a Greek God. 

This is actual said bartender

A few minutes later, the Greek God bartender, walked up to me and placed a napkin in front of me and walked off. I looked down to see writing on the napkin that said “I think you’re cute. Want to go out?” with two little checkboxes below it – one that said “yes” and the other that said “no.” Nevermind that this was definitely a throwback maneuver from the first grade (I’d never been to public school anyway, what did I know?!)….this Greek god was asking me out!!

I could already picture our little angel-babies…we’d have to name them something cool like “Apollo” or “Hermes.” 

A handful of minutes later he sauntered back over, rested his chiseled elbow on the bar, looked at me and said “So what do you think?” In my efforts to be somewhat flirty back (why do I do this? This NEVER works in my favor) I laughed and said “A napkin? You’re so silly!” 

With a look on his face as horrified as the one I was about to feel, he said “Oh…that’s not from me…..” (cue inner panic/I want to die feelings)….”It’s from them.” He turned and pointed to two squirmy boys laughing (with what I can only imagine was accompanied by snorts) and one that gingerly held up a hand and waived, a watermelon Smirnoff firmly in the other hand. One was sporting a Justin Bieber shaggy ‘do and though I couldn’t see, I was almost certain they were wearing pants with some kind of fish or plant or school logo embroidered on them.

I was snapped back to my unfortunate reality when the Greek God (who was clearly not on board with having angel babies with me) said “So what do I tell them?

There was no salvaging the situation. I prayed for some sloppy drunk to spill his drink on me, fall on me, drop me to the floor and out of the site line of this human muscle…anything to distract from this moment. But no, there I was…. Just me, the Greek God, the embroidery twins and the napkin.

I gave a nervous laugh, said “thanks, not interested” and quickly turned and walked off…where someone did spill an entire drink on me. A little late dude…a little late.
Spilled drink
Thank God this was a bar with five different rooms as I spent the rest of the night with my friends in every room where the Greek God was not.

And that my friends… why you always….always….stick to the buddy system.



Alex said...

hahaha noooooooooo!!! So funny, but so terrible!! I definitely stick to the buddy system when it comes to bars. I am usually the first person to arrive anywhere, but I refuse to go into a bar alone!!

Caley-Jade Rosenberg said...

Hahahahaha, I am so sorry my friend but I cannot help laughing hysterically!! And what a douche for not asking you out!! x

BLovedBoston said...

OMG this was classic!!! I'm sorry greek god was not the note writer - but he totally should have taken the credit and taken you on a date instead!! didn't know what he was missing!

Shannon said...

Hahaha - great story. I was actually leaning in closer and closer to the monitor waiting to see what happened next.

And for the record "“This is silly. I’m an independent woman, I can just go in by myself and wait for them at the bar.”"

That's how I met my husband for the first time. <3 My friend was late and walked into a bar by myself and bumped into him. So yeah - totally worth it!

The Pink Growl said...

hahahahaha I love this story! I've totally had several things like this happen to me too!! At first it almost makes you feel like patting yourself on the back but NOT SO FAST...

Ericka said...

Oh my gosh that is too funny, but also not at the same time! BTW, you and that bar tender would have adorable babies :)

Angel said...

so many smiles while reading this. haha so great. thanks for keeping my wednesday morning full of laughs :)

Brittany said...

omygosh!!! How awkward! That is too funny though.