Monday, August 26, 2013

VMA Speeches

Though the VMAs aired Sunday night, it took me a good day to actually process them ...and by that I mean comprehend how Liam Hemsworth is possibly dating Miley Cyrus. 
(however I do appreciate the multiple texts and emails from people saying they were surprised I hadn't blogged about Miley. I'm glad it's clear where I stand on her)

So, in honor of one of my favorite award shows, I present speeches to the VMA performers...and their fashion:

Selena Gomez
Selena you've got bad taste in boyfriends but good taste in fashion. It happens. But homegirl, thank you for being the handful of good-ish in a pondfull of bad-ish downright awful fashion. 
(P.S. -  I'm still trying to enlist anyone I know to go with me to see you in October. Cough, cough, Chelsea, Whitney, Danielle, cough cough.) 

Taylor Swift
Taylor Swift, I don't care if you did maybe possibly perhaps drop an keep your bazingas in your dress and you tell it like it is. 

Miley Cyrus, you can't stop...and neither can I....thinking about how atrocious and talent-less your performance was. I'm fairly certain you should run to your nearest pharmacy and get a pregnancy test. I also think you should take a cue from Amanda Bynes (since you're just one green hair extension away from being her anyway) and retire now...for the sake of everyone in America. 

PS - Did any of you know that the song lyric is actually "dancing with Molly"...and not "dancing with Miley?" I swear...Hannah Montan is forever ruined....well, Hannah Montana and teddy bears. 

To the Smith Family.....Amen. 

Justin Timberlake, a ll I can say is god bless you man for taking all our minds off Miley's crotch. 

Katy, girllll,I know you've got that new song out and all called Roar and then you pick this dress that's like a leopard print, you are so subtle girl.....
said no one ever.

However your performance was GRRRRReat! (see what I did there?)

Excuse me, Erin forgot to put your dress on over your pantyhose 

Bruno Mars, you looked so sad when you didn't win your first category that I was so glad you eventually won a moon man. However, it's really unfortunate for you that Taylor Swift was the presenter for your award....that boob-level hug thing is always awkward #tallgirlrelate 

Shalene, dang you struggle girl. You've been in Hollywood for many years now, yet every red carpet you hit you still looks like you're shopping at Cache. Step away from the bedazzler. 

So there you have it...the good, the bad, and the foam. 
What did you think? 


Charlotte Hayes said...

Haha that Smith family photo kills me EVERY TIME! What a terrible performance - she seriously is just a step away from becoming Amanda Bynes!

<3, Charlotte

Erica Ashley said...

I just found out about the Miley Cyrus lyric and was so sad! I always thought it was dancing with Miley. Seriously, someone needs to help her ASAP! Otherwise I can not bring my self to ever want to have any children in the future (far future) if that is what their "role models" are going to be. so sad and disgusting!

Jenna said...

Haha! Since I'm in the wrong time zone I didn't watch the VMA's, but I did watch Miley's performance on you tube this morning, I just couldn't help it. I read this open letter about it this morning and I couldn't agree more:


P!nky said...

Oh em gee! didn't watch but heard all about it....oh em geee

The Pink Growl said...

Love this post soooo much! I agree with you on all counts! Selener looked FAB!!! And JT of course saved the show! Miley...oh dear Jesus help us with miley!

Young and Fabulous said...

agree with you on every single thing!!!!

and will smiths family...they are haunted for life

selena gomez is an absolute GORGEOUS person i cant handle it

miley...or MOLLY...hahahah when did she turn into a druggie?!? HANNAH where are you??


Alex said...

Miley made me want to vomit. And Robin Thicke looked sleazy. It was a hot mess if ever I saw one!

Unknown said...

I didn't watch the show in favor of watching "highlights" online. What was Miley thinking? She had her tongue stuck out so much it was a wonder she could even sing the song. I'm only 28 but geez, the VMAs make me feel OLD!

BKCsquared said...

All of your descriptions are AMAZING! Liam Hemsworth needs to dump Miley, I want to be Selena Gomez & Taylor Swift's BFF, & poor Paula Patten & Robin Thicke...

xo, B

Laura Darling said...

JT saved the night for sure. And that Erin Wasson outfit? If you can even call it an outfit! What was she thinking? Someone's stylist needs to be fired!!

ilene @ muchloveilly said...

bahahahaha! loved this...hilarious but oh, so true (except for selena, you know my feelings for her). and oh, JT - he was THE show. i could watch that performance over and over again. then again maybe i have.

Unknown said...

i am so relieved that they mad those faces in response to Miley's performance BUT i can't help but crack up.

Sara Louise said...

Selena's dress is beyond amazing! It's in my top 5 red carpet dresses of all time.
And Miley... I need to scrub my brain of the images she put in my head. She's freaking gross.

Katie said...

I don't usually watch any awards shows except the Oscars so of course there was no VMAs for me. I still have not seen Miley's performance and never want to. But Taylor Swift looked stunning!