Monday, July 22, 2013

The tale of the foam wedges and the brother usher.

We all have one right? 
That one embarrassing moment where you cringe just thinking about it, no matter how many years have passed. 

Oddly, it wasn't the time my bra busted at work and I looked like I had a passel of starving children at home.
It wasn't the time I passed out giving blood in the university ballroom in a circle with 12 other blood donors.
And it wasn't even the time I stupidly took a sex psychology class in college and was given the assignment to debate why I was "Pro-female circumcision" in front my class of 100 (might I just mention everyone else got assigned easy topics like "birth control.")
it's all fun and games until your feet are above your head...in a skirt...a wet rag on your head and straw loosely attached to a cup of sprite hanging out of your mouth. 

For me, that moment happened when I was 15

I had been as they say "head-over-heels in love" with a boy I'd first spotted at church back when I was 13. And for two years, I'd had eyes for no one else, yet remained invisible to this one guy I'd set my sights on. 
My Crush Said That We Should Go See A Movie Together A Horror Movie

I knew everything about this boy I could, well, everything apart from actually knowing him. Random, meaningless facts like, he preferred Pepsi to Coke, m&ms to skittles and what I assumed to be his dad's loafers to actual shoes. I even remember sitting on the bed asking my dad to teach me about football because I had just "suddenly taken an interest in it." This had nothing everything to do with the fact that the boy was the star of his football team and I wanted to be prepared in case he ever saw me, instead of just saw through me.

So you can imagine my excitement when our family was invited to his sister's wedding. I carefully plotted out my outfit for weeks. I still remember....I wore a seafoam green silk shell, a cotton black skirt, black hose (am I 75?) and open-toe stretchy wedges -you know the kind everyone had to have back then (and my dad was sooo annoying telling me they were absolutely hideous)
Kind of like this except I'm fairly certain the wedge part was made of foam....yeah. You were right dad, you were right.
Sadly, the outfit is not the embarrassing part. 

Also, I should mention that at the time my hairstyle could probably most be associated as the near distant cousin of the she-mullet. I mean, I just didn't get why this boy didn't like me....

But there we were....mom, Shannon, granny pantyhose and foam wedges, waiting to be seated. I providentially positioned myself to be escorted by him. I was certain I could make a love connection as soon as our only interaction wasn't him tagging me free from from the tree trunk that served as the jail cell during a game of church group freeze tag (hey, I didn't gain my running skills 'til college).

But he walked past me and to my mom (darn her, she has all the luck!) In his place came his older brother to escort me behind the "boyfriend-stealer." ;)

As we started walking I heard him saying something mumbled...or maybe I was just deadlocked on the boy in front of me to really hear. I waited a moment and then realized he had just introduced himself. I turned, looked up, smiled and said:

"I'm Ashley!"

and then it happened.....right then....the most embarrassing moment of my life....

instead of the "nice to meet you" I expected to hear, instead I heard "I'm Brian." 

And then it dawned on me....he most likely.....no, he definitely had not asked my name...but rather "bride or groom?" But it was too late to laugh it off and say I hadn't heard him. Because as soon as it had happened, I was safely delivered to my seat and he was gone. 
absolutely nobody knows me better. | via Tumblr

No, no this could not be happening! I did not just introduce myself to the usher on our 15 second journey to my seat. And not just any usher....the brother usher of my crush!

All I could picture was him telling my wanna-be-lover that this little 15 year old had just tried hitting on him (yes, I equated an introduction with hitting on someone #homeschooler4life)...you know, not like he had other things on his mind to think about like, oh say a sister getting married or seating 100 people. 

So there I sat for the remainder of the wedding, convinced my life was completely over. I hustled out of the church as fast as my glass slippers foam wedges could carry me after the wedding.

But my awkward introduction either never made it back to my crush or didn't deter him too much because a year later we started dating for what would turn into a relationship that spanned all the way into our early twenties.

BUT to this day, you say "embarrassing moment" and all I can picture are foam wedges, black pantyhose and the words "I'm Ashley!"

Care to share? 
What's "that moment" for you?
XO, A

13 comments:

Ashley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shannon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stephanie said...

Those black wedges were the coolest. And paired with those black, stretchy yoga-like pants that could be worn with said black wedges or tennis shoes. Great story!

Meredith said...

I think we all rocked those black wedge stretchy top shoes. throw in some butter fly clips and a matching cardigan/tank set and you were hott stuff!

The Pink Growl said...

Hilarious! I definitely had a pair of those black wedges....ugh soooo not cute!

Erica Ashley said...

So funny!!!! I love it! Also, I had the foam shoes in multiple colors, lol nothing like a foam wedge heal at 15 to show how fashionable you are!

meghan said...

So funny! My sister was obsessed with those wedges, and I know I had them too.

ilene @ muchloveilly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ilene @ muchloveilly said...

oh my goodness - such a good story! and yes, i remember those wedges. i had the same pair. cracks me up how some things were MUST HAVES. i'm sure we'll be saying the same thing in the next decade. i guess we can say the same thing about certain guys, right? ;) i have a few cringe worthy moments that i will have to share with you next time we have a coffee date!

Sara Louise said...

Everything about this makes me cringe for you. ESPECIALLY the foam wedges and the black pantyhose.**cringe** P.S. I had those same wedges and I thought I was all kind of hawt.
And as for my embarrassing moment... there are way too many to spill here. I'll save them for sharing over a glass of Rosé in The LPV.

Sarah said...

I literally saw those shoes at Belks the other day. I have pictures if you need proof. Apparently they're coming back?

Shannon said...

Isn't it amazing what seemed like the most embarrassing moment ever wasn't even really that embarrassing from an outside perspective.

I have many many stories JUST like that.

Katie said...

I get embarrassed so easily that I could never think of just one super horrible moment. There is too many.

I love that you learned all the random little silly facts about him. Something I would probably totally do now.

Those foam wedges! I think I had a pair. ick. Also: always say no to panty hose.

I love that you introduced yourself when he just asked "bride or groom?" The number of times that people have said something to me and I responded with something horribly wrong because they asked a completely different question is endless. I fail. Maybe I should just have my hearing checked?

This story was great. I am so glad you shared with us.

P.S. I hate ushers at weddings. I hate when they are just like, "Here, let me take your arm and show you where to sit." No, dude. You may NOT take my arm. I'm kind of a mean person.

and to end this long comment, I am just going to use your hashtag because it is fab #homeschooler4life

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