Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I have a beef.

I have a beef with the tanning salon.
I used to be a regular bed tanner but (besidses it not being healthy for your derm) I saw final destination 3 - you know the one where the two girls get locked in their beds and burn to death - and i haven't tanned since. True story.

Back to my beef. Right before I left Beaufort for Atlanta I purchased the mac-daddy spray tan package (it was january and girlfriend was PASTY). The sales girl assured me the package would transfer since I was "in the system.".....Sales girl was wrong. After 45 minutes on the phone the new sales girl did a "courtesy tan" - apparently this is what a courtesy tan adds up to:

I eventually just purchased a package at the Atlanta location because I figured it was less trouble. So on my first non-courtesy tan I was in and out. It wasn't until the next day when I was in Charleston that I realized my left hand belonged to a member of the Jersey Shore cast and my right belonged to one of the Riverdance girls. Oh yeah - totally uneven. It was real hot. <---This is a lie.

Whether it's perseverance or not learning my lesson, I gave my little tanning salon a third try last weekend. I popped in, turned accordingly, stood in the dryer for 10 minutes and left.....knowing it would only be a matter of hours until I transformed from a Cullen to  brown sugar goodness. Wrong. I woke up just as pasty as I'd been hours before. I can't decide if they gave me an empty cartridge or a tub of clear moisturizer but this white little girl was none too happy. 

So I have an unresolved beef. I guess all this is just to say:
Dear Summer....Hurry the Heck up!

Any of you had tragic tanning experiences?   


Rissy said...

awww : ( I remember you telling me about your uneven sides when this happened... stupid tanning bed girl!

well just yesterday I got overzealous about it being 75 degrees in MD in April, so I laid out on one side for an hour. My cheeks now look like I am wearing blush I borrowed from Tammy Fay Baker (wow who doesn't love a good TFB reference?)


megan said...

Ha! I've only had a spray tan once and a person did it, not a machine. I really liked it! I've always been told not to do the machines..

Diana Mieczan said...

Oh no...Something like that happened to me too a few years back..I totally know your pain, sweetie
Have a lovely Tuesday, kisses

Ps: Hope you had a chance to enter in our super cute Ruche GIVEAWAY!

Unknown said...

I did self tanner once; face and hands were one color and I would call it naval orange and the rest of my body was like shiney new penny so so bad.

Beth said...

i've had that happen to me before. so i went back the next day and was like "look...i'm still pale." so i went in again and it helped a LITTLE bit, but not much. so i stopped going to that particular location.

the worst is when you're all naked, got your barrier cream on, get in the booth, press the button and it doesn't come on. so you have to put some clothes back on, go back out there and tell the girl to reset it. i think one time i had to do that like 3 times before it actually game on.

i have numerous other horror stories from the spray tan, but i won't bore you with that here.

Lindsey said...

Oh honey! Where do I start? I've been mystic tanning for 10 years, ever since it first came out. So trust me, I have some stories and then some. I still mess up to this day, but you just have to be really careful and patient with it. Especially around your hands and feet.

I put the barrier cream on my palms and on my toes and the sides of my feet. Then I use baby wipes (my salon provides them in the room) to wipe my hands and feet off immediately after I get sprayed. I pretty much let everything else dry as is. Then once my feet and hands are sufficiently wiped off, I get dressed and go to the salon bathroom and wash my hands with soap and water, making sure the water doesn't get past my wrists. This is just my routine and probably way too much information.

I actually have my mystic tan membership on freeze and have been using the Hawaiin Tropic self tanner lotion with the Ulta mit (I blogged about it a while back) and it has been getting the job done. I'm going to unfreeze though next week so I can mystic before I leave for the wedding in Phoenix.

All right, so now that I wrote a novel, I'll be going now. Have a great day!

ilene @ muchloveilly said...

aw man - this sounds frustrating but as always your wrote out to be super amusing...haha - that scene Bride Wars is hilarious.

but do you remember when we were little and i always got so dark that i was almost black?! yeaaaah i'm still that way - ha! so i have the opposite of your problems - i find as much sunscreen as i can find!!!

Sam W. said...

ok, first of all, you always look tan in every picture you post! have you ever tried that jergens lotion that gradually tans you? i've actually seen some good results, but only because i was SO pale to start with.

Young and Fabulous said...

haha omg you poor thing! I would have grabbed that ladys hair, dragged her into the tanning salon, and put it on snook-ify so she'd turn into an orange beast

HOWEVER..you look so tan in all the pics you upload and it makes me very jelly. I am such a pasty edward cullen right now that last night I applied Jergens Self Tanner to my legs so that I would look tanner when i goto the gym. pathetic? I think so

im going to take a plane down to HotLanta and lay on the beach with you so I can get some color..much needed!


jessica // union shore said...

how frustrating!! i was also a bed tanner but never again since that movie!! and i've never tried the spray tan... i usually just use those gradual lotions, and they seem to work good, but nothing is better than actual sun rays!! :-)

Sarah said...

I use to work at a tanning salon for a few years so I have seen IT ALL! I would def do what Lindsey said..the barrier cream is VERY important it acts as a blocker in places that you don't want to be too dark (hands, feet, etc) Also, sometimes the booths don't spray correctly and the cartridge is still full when you leave..I would talk to the salon about it bc you def want to get your moneys worth!

Jayme said...

Back in college, I once fell asleep in the tanning bed. The girl at the front desk assumed that I had left and a new customer came in, so she turned the bed on for another 20 minutes...so, while asleep, I tanned for 40 minutes. I had a blistering sunburn that left scars. Needless to say, that was my last trip to a tanning bed!

Haven't been brave enough to spray tan yet, either!

jayme said...

my worst spray tan was last year's derby! it looked so awful but other than that, my spray tans are usually quite decent! i've secretly been going to the bed for the last couple weeks since i'll be on the beach in two days and i need a base!

anyway, summer is almost here and the natural way is the way to go!


Katie said...

LOL! I love the Snooki tan chart. She is seriously soooo small. Glad you don't look her now though :)

jillian :: cornflake dreams. said...

hahah omg sad. ive never tried spray tan but i gave up the tanning bed last year (thank you fears of cancer and wrinkles/being too lazy to actually GO to the salon). ah well.. ive accepted my new pasty exterior (but im secretly waiting for summer too). nothing like a little glow :) xoxo jcd

Molly said...

i too used to frequent the tanning bed (terrible, i know). i haven't gone for a few years, but now i use self-tanner often. i trust no one but myself to apply it! fake bake and st. tropez are both great brands and they're pretty fool-proof.

Megan said...

I don't tan in a tanning bed. Just too scared of getting cancer! I have tried the spray tan a few times and I always like it the first couple of days...then it starts to fade and I look like a crazy person. Haha.

Sarah said...

I've never had a spray tan done and I haven't because I am extremely fair-skinned and don't want to turn orange. Last month was the first time I have ever been in a tanning bed, EVER, and I have regularly gone ever since (3-4 times a week). I started out tanning only 4 or 5 minutes and now I'm up to 17 minutes. I burned a little in some unmentionable places (you get the idea), but that has gone away. I now have a nice light brown tan courtesy of amazing tanning lotion and the free tanning beds my apartment complex has for their residents. I still get freaked out sometimes after I saw "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer" when JLH (one of my FAV actresses) gets trapped in the tanning bed and starts freaking out. I keep reminding myself that the bed is on a timer and will turn off on its own, but I understand your fear of being in the tanning bed.

Compared to me you are tan, so I can only imagine how awesome you look when you have a golden brown tan. Jealllllous!

Jenn @ Peas and Crayons said...

I had to give up tanning beds... I would burn in really weird spots even though I was only in for a lil bit! boo uneven-ness! and hooray spring and summer!!!!

Jenn @ Peas & Crayons

ps: come enter my giveaway dahhhling! <3

Katie said...

you just sealed my neveruseaspraytan deal! As terrible as it is, I still love the good ole tanning bed. Its my coccaine...just call me Charlie Sheen!

Tatiana said...

oh that sucks! My friend keeps on wanting me to go spray tanning with her but I'm SO terrified of turning orange and looking like an umpa-lumpa twin.
And tan bed totally scare the hell out of me after that Final destination.

Michelle said...

I try to avoid tanning but when I do go, I use the stand up beds. My friend swears by spray tan but I haven't tried it yet. Love the pictures you included! Too funny! I love Bride Wars!

Alexandra Bee Blog said...

i think you should definitely complain-- this is not cool! i had a friend get skin cancer from tanning beds (at the age of 20)..she's okay now, but that stopped me from going back! i've been interested in a spray tan, but am definitely going to ask around to try and find a good place and hopefully avoid a situation like yours. so sorry that had to happen to you!

Major Gal said...

If you can find a place with airbrush tanning done by a professional, you'll love the results. the booths are never great. i gave up tanning beds last year and was really happy with my instant glow from an airbrush tan. i tried self tanner that promised no streaks last spring. i woke up with orange feet and hands. it was so splotchy. i scrubbed, loofahed, soaked in lemon, it was awful. i saw a demo of the Jergens lotion and it was great. give that a shot!